THE TABLE OR THE FIRE
A Sermon on Choosing Reconciliation, Forgiveness, Boundaries and the Way of Christ
Key Scriptures
- Psalm 23:5 — “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.”
- Proverbs 15:1 — “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”
- James 1:19–20 — Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
- Ephesians 4:26–27 — Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give the devil a foothold.
- Hebrews 12:15 — Beware of a “root of bitterness.”
- Romans 12:18–21 — Live at peace where possible; overcome evil with good.
- Matthew 18:21–22 — Jesus teaches radical forgiveness.
- Colossians 3:13 — Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
- James 3:5–6 — The tongue can be like a fire.
- Galatians 6:7–9 — What we sow, we will eventually reap.
THE TABLE OR THE FIRE
[Begin slowly.]
There is a question I want to ask you this morning.
Not a question about your neighbour.
Not about your spouse.
Not about your children.
Not about your employer.
Not about the person who disappointed you.
I want you to ask yourself:
When something goes wrong in my life, what do I do with it?
Do I take it to the table?
Or do I take it to the fire?
Because problems are going to come.
Jesus never promised us a life without difficulty.
In John 16:33, Jesus says:
“In this world you will have trouble.”
But He doesn’t stop there.
He says:
“Take heart! I have overcome the world.”
The question isn’t whether trouble will come.
The question is who we will become when it does.
1. THE TABLE
Throughout Scripture, the table is a powerful image.
A table is where people gather.
A table is where people eat together.
A table is where conversations happen.
A table is where relationships are formed.
And perhaps most beautifully, Scripture uses the table as an image of God’s provision and presence.
David writes in Psalm 23:5:
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.”
Think about that.
God doesn’t necessarily remove all the enemies before preparing the table.
He prepares the table in the middle of the difficult circumstances.
That is powerful.
Because sometimes we think:
“I’ll have peace when everyone agrees with me.”
“I’ll have peace when that person changes.”
“I’ll have peace when the problem disappears.”
But Psalm 23 teaches us something different.
God can prepare a table while the enemies are still present.
2. THE TABLE IS A PLACE OF FELLOWSHIP
Jesus repeatedly ate with people.
He sat with people others rejected.
He shared meals with sinners.
He entered people’s homes.
He talked to people.
He listened.
He confronted.
He taught.
He loved.
The table was part of His ministry.
And there is something beautiful about sitting across from another human being.
Because when we sit across the table from someone, we are invited to see them as a person rather than as an enemy.
It’s harder to demonise someone when you’re actually listening to their story.
The table says:
“You are human. I am human. Let’s talk.”
3. THE FIRE
But there is another image in Scripture that is equally powerful.
Fire.
Now, I want to be careful here.
Fire in the Bible is not always negative.
Fire can represent God’s presence.
Exodus 3 gives us the burning bush.
Acts 2 describes tongues “as of fire” when the Holy Spirit comes upon the disciples.
Malachi 3:2–3 speaks of God as a refiner’s fire.
So fire can represent God’s presence, purification and transformation.
But there is another kind of fire.
The fire that destroys.
The fire that consumes.
The fire that grows because we keep feeding it.
And Scripture gives us an extraordinary picture of that kind of fire in James 3:5–6, where James speaks about the tongue.
He says:
“The tongue is also a fire.”
Think about how profound that is.
A few words can start a fire.
One sentence can destroy a relationship.
One message can change everything.
One angry response can take a situation that could have been repaired and turn it into something much bigger.
4. THE FIRE OF ANGER
Proverbs 15:1 says:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Notice the language.
A gentle answer.
A harsh word.
One turns the temperature down.
The other turns it up.
You know what happens in relationships?
Someone says something.
You respond.
They respond to your response.
You respond to their response.
And suddenly you’re no longer discussing the original problem.
You’re fighting about how you fought about the problem.
The fire has taken over.
And that’s why James 1:19–20 tells us:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Not quick to speak.
Not quick to defend.
Not quick to retaliate.
Quick to listen.
5. DON’T GIVE THE FIRE FUEL
Paul says something very important in Ephesians 4:26–27:
“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Why?
Because unresolved anger has a way of growing.
One offence becomes resentment.
Resentment becomes bitterness.
Bitterness changes how you see the person.
And eventually you don’t see the person anymore.
You see the offence.
You see the betrayal.
You see the disappointment.
You see the past.
And everything they do gets interpreted through the lens of what happened.
The fire has become bigger than the original problem.
6. THE ROOT OF BITTERNESS
Hebrews 12:15 gives us another warning:
“See to it… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Notice the word:
Root.
Bitterness starts underground.
You don’t always see it.
But it grows.
And eventually it produces fruit.
A bitter heart produces bitter words.
Bitter words produce damaged relationships.
Damaged relationships produce isolation.
And isolation can produce even more bitterness.
So Scripture tells us:
Don’t let the root grow.
Deal with it.
Bring it to the table.
7. THE TABLE REQUIRES HUMILITY
Coming to the table doesn’t mean saying:
“I’m right and you’re wrong.”
It means saying:
“Let’s understand what happened.”
It means being willing to say:
“I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I misunderstood you.”
“I could have handled that differently.”
That is not weakness.
That is humility.
And Philippians 2:3–4 tells us:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Imagine what would happen to our relationships if we lived that Scripture.
Instead of:
“You need to understand me.”
We said:
“Help me understand you.”
Instead of:
“You need to apologise.”
We asked:
“What part of this do I need to take responsibility for?”
That’s the table.
8. BUT NOT EVERY TABLE IS SAFE
Now I want to make something very clear.
Christian forgiveness does not mean becoming someone’s punching bag.
Jesus teaches forgiveness.
But Scripture also teaches wisdom.
Proverbs 4:23 says:
“Above all else, guard your heart.”
Forgiveness does not mean there are no boundaries.
You can forgive somebody and still create distance.
You can love somebody and still say no.
You can pray for someone and still recognise that you cannot safely remain in the same relationship.
Romans 12:18 says:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Look at those words:
“If it is possible.”
“As far as it depends on you.”
That acknowledges something important.
You can control your part.
You cannot control theirs.
Sometimes you can offer the table.
And the other person refuses to sit down.
At that point, wisdom may require you to step away.
9. FORGIVENESS
And now we come to perhaps the most difficult part.
Forgiveness.
Peter asks Jesus in Matthew 18:21:
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?”
Peter thinks he’s being generous.
“Seven times?”
Jesus answers:
“Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Jesus is not giving Peter a mathematical limit.
He is teaching a lifestyle.
A lifestyle of refusing to become imprisoned by resentment.
And then Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant.
The servant has been forgiven an enormous debt.
But then he refuses to forgive someone else a much smaller debt.
The lesson is profound:
People who understand grace learn to extend grace.
10. FORGIVENESS DOES NOT SAY IT DIDN’T HURT
Please hear this.
Forgiveness does not mean:
“It didn’t matter.”
It doesn’t mean:
“What you did was acceptable.”
It doesn’t mean:
“I trust you again immediately.”
Forgiveness says:
“I will not allow this offence to own my future.”
Colossians 3:13 says:
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Why?
Because unforgiveness creates a prison.
And sometimes the person who hurt you has already walked away from the prison.
But you are still inside it.
11. WHO IS HOLDING THE BURNING WOOD?
Imagine that somebody hurt you.
And you pick up a piece of burning wood.
You hold it.
And you say:
“I will never forgive them.”
But who is getting burned?
You.
You are carrying the anger.
You are replaying the conversation.
You are remembering the betrayal.
You are waiting for an apology.
You are imagining revenge.
And the person who hurt you may not even know you are still carrying it.
That’s why forgiveness is so powerful.
Forgiveness is saying:
“I’m putting the wood down.”
Not because what happened didn’t matter.
Because my future matters.
12. OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD
Romans 12:20–21 gives us one of the most challenging teachings in Scripture.
Paul says:
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Notice that.
Not:
“Get revenge.”
Not:
“Make them suffer.”
Not:
“Destroy them.”
But:
“Overcome evil with good.”
That is the way of Christ.
The world says:
“They hurt you. Hurt them back.”
Jesus says:
“Don’t become what hurt you.”
13. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE TABLE
There comes a point where you have tried.
You have talked.
You have prayed.
You have forgiven.
You have established boundaries.
And the relationship continues to destroy you.
Then sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is walk away.
Jesus Himself sometimes withdrew from people.
He went away to pray.
He did not chase everybody who rejected Him.
He did not force people to accept Him.
And there is a lesson there.
You can love people without allowing them unlimited access to you.
14. JESUS ALSO KNEW WHEN TO WALK AWAY
In Matthew 10:14, Jesus tells His disciples that when people refuse to receive them, they should shake the dust from their feet and move on.
There is a time to stay.
There is a time to speak.
There is a time to forgive.
And there is a time to move forward.
Moving forward doesn’t mean you stopped loving.
Sometimes it means you stopped trying to control what you cannot change.
15. STOP WAITING
And now we come to the final part of this message.
Stop waiting.
Stop waiting for the apology.
Stop waiting for them to understand.
Stop waiting for them to change.
Stop waiting for the perfect circumstances.
Stop waiting for yesterday to become different.
Your life is happening now.
The Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5:15–16:
“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.”
Why?
Because time matters.
Your life matters.
Your relationships matter.
Your choices matter.
16. WHAT ARE YOU SOWING?
Galatians 6:7 says:
“A man reaps what he sows.”
What are you sowing into your relationships?
Anger?
Then don’t be surprised when you reap conflict.
Resentment?
Don’t be surprised when you reap distance.
Pride?
Don’t be surprised when you reap isolation.
Forgiveness?
You begin creating space for freedom.
Grace?
You create space for restoration.
Truth?
You create space for genuine relationship.
17. THE TABLE OF CHRIST
And perhaps the greatest table in Scripture is not your table or mine.
It is Christ’s table.
At the Last Supper, Jesus gathers His disciples.
And among those disciples is Judas.
Jesus knows what Judas is going to do.
He knows betrayal is coming.
And yet He sits at the table.
That is extraordinary.
Jesus doesn’t pretend betrayal isn’t coming.
But He doesn’t allow betrayal to determine who He is.
He continues to love.
He continues to serve.
He continues to give.
And ultimately, He goes to the cross.
And at the cross, Jesus says:
“Father, forgive them.”
Luke 23:34.
That is the ultimate table-to-fire lesson.
Human beings brought hatred.
Jesus brought forgiveness.
Human beings brought violence.
Jesus brought grace.
Human beings brought a cross.
Jesus transformed the cross into the doorway of redemption.
18. WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE?
So today I want you to imagine two things.
A table.
And a fire.
At the table there is:
Truth.
Listening.
Humility.
Conversation.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
Boundaries.
Wisdom.
At the fire there is:
Anger.
Pride.
Blame.
Resentment.
Revenge.
Bitterness.
Destruction.
And you are standing between them.
The question is not:
“What did they choose?”
The question is:
“What will I choose?”
19. QUESTIONS FOR THE HEART
So before you leave today, I want you to take these questions with you.
Who am I angry with?
What am I still carrying?
What fire am I feeding?
What conversation am I avoiding?
What part of this situation belongs to me?
Where do I need to apologise?
Where do I need to forgive?
Where do I need a boundary?
Is this table still safe?
Am I waiting for someone else’s apology before I allow myself to heal?
What would happen if I put the wood down?
And finally:
What is God asking me to do next?
THE FINAL MESSAGE
[Slow down.]
There will be fires in your life.
Some will be caused by other people’s actions.
Some will be caused by your own choices.
Some will come from circumstances you never asked for.
But remember:
You don’t have to feed every fire you encounter.
There will also be tables.
Tables where difficult conversations need to happen.
Tables where forgiveness needs to be offered.
Tables where relationships can be restored.
Tables where truth needs to be spoken.
And sometimes…
there will be tables where you need to stand up.
Not with hatred.
Not with revenge.
Not with bitterness.
But with wisdom.
And walk away.
Because Christianity isn’t about pretending that pain doesn’t exist.
It is about learning how to walk through pain without allowing pain to become your master.
So when somebody hurts you—
find the table before you find the fire.
When anger rises—
be slow to speak.
When resentment begins growing—
deal with the root.
When forgiveness becomes difficult—
remember the grace you’ve received.
When a relationship becomes destructive—
establish a boundary.
And when you’ve done everything you can—
trust God enough to let go.
Because the greatest question isn’t:
“Who hurt me?”
The greatest question is:
“Who am I becoming because of what happened?”
Are you becoming bitter?
Or better?
Are you becoming angry?
Or wiser?
Are you becoming imprisoned by the past?
Or are you becoming free?
Are you feeding the fire?
Or are you coming to the table?
[Pause.]
And perhaps today God is asking you to put something down.
The anger.
The resentment.
The need to be right.
The need for revenge.
The need for an apology.
The need to control someone else’s behaviour.
Put it down.
Let God deal with what you cannot deal with.
And then ask:
“Lord, what is my next faithful step?”
Because you may not be able to change what happened yesterday.
But through God’s grace, wisdom and love…
you can choose what you do with it today.
CLOSING PRAYER
Father,
We bring before You the tables in our lives.
The relationships that are broken.
The conversations that have never happened.
The wounds we still carry.
The anger we have hidden.
The resentment we have fed.
The people we struggle to forgive.
Give us the courage to sit at the table when the table is where healing can happen.
Give us wisdom to establish boundaries when boundaries are necessary.
Give us humility to acknowledge our own failures.
Give us grace to forgive as we have been forgiven.
And when it is time to walk away, give us the courage to walk without hatred.
Lord, help us put down the burning wood.
Help us stop feeding fires that You never asked us to carry.
And prepare a table before us—even in the presence of our enemies.
Teach us to overcome evil with good.
Teach us to choose love over hatred, grace over revenge, wisdom over reaction, and forgiveness over bitterness.
And above all, help us become more like Christ through every difficult thing we face.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
