A Letter to Louise Swart of Bothaville, Free State, South Africa
Dear Louise,
In the beginning of relationships, we find many reasons to stay.
We see the beauty in each other. We discover the things that make us laugh, the things that excite us, the dreams we share, and the moments that make us believe that perhaps we have found someone special.
In the beginning, we see the reasons to stay because we are still discovering one another.
But relationships have a way of revealing the truth.
As time passes, we discover more about each other. We discover the strengths and the weaknesses. The beauty and the brokenness. The kindness and the selfishness. The honesty and the things we would rather keep hidden. We discover the wounds, the fears, the insecurities, the mistakes, the choices and the consequences of those choices.
And somewhere along that journey, something changes.
The same discovery that can give one person another reason to stay can give another person a reason to leave.
Some people discover the imperfections of the person they love and say, “Now I understand you better, and I love you even more.”
Others discover those same imperfections and say, “Now I understand you better, and I know I cannot stay.”
Perhaps that is one of the hardest truths about love.
Knowing someone completely does not always make staying easier.
Sometimes, knowing someone more deeply makes us love them more.
And sometimes, knowing them more deeply teaches us that loving them and being with them are two different things.
Louise, this book carries something of our story within it.
Not because I want to preserve the past, change it, defend it or blame you for it.
But because I cannot deny what I learned from it.
You taught me lessons that I could not have learned from a perfect relationship.
You taught me that people are complicated.
You taught me that love can exist alongside disappointment.
You taught me that someone can matter deeply to you and still not be someone you can build a life with.
You taught me that forgiveness does not necessarily mean returning.
You taught me that understanding someone does not require us to accept everything they do.
And perhaps most importantly, you taught me that loving someone does not always mean staying with them.
I still choose to love you.
That is my choice.
I choose to remember the good without pretending the difficult things never happened. I choose to appreciate the moments that were beautiful without denying the moments that were painful. I choose to be grateful for what you brought into my life without needing you to remain in it.
But I also choose not to be with you.
And those two choices can exist at the same time.
That has been one of the hardest lessons for me to understand.
We often believe that if we love someone, we must stay.
But sometimes love asks us to stay.
And sometimes love asks us to let go.
Sometimes staying is an act of love.
Sometimes leaving is an act of love.
And sometimes the most honest thing we can say is:
“I love you, but I cannot be with you.”
There is no hatred in that sentence.
There does not have to be bitterness.
There does not have to be revenge.
There can simply be truth.
This book is my attempt to explore that truth.
It is about the reasons we stay, but it is also about the reasons we leave.
It is about what happens when the person we once saw through the eyes of possibility becomes a person we know through experience.
It is about the discoveries that strengthen relationships and the discoveries that challenge them.
And it is about the choices we make when we finally have enough information to see someone clearly.
Louise, I want you to know that I am grateful.
Not necessarily grateful for everything that happened.
But grateful for what it taught me.
Grateful for the questions.
Grateful for the reflection.
Grateful for the growth.
Grateful that our relationship forced me to look at love differently.
You became part of a lesson that I suspect I will carry for the rest of my life:
We do not truly know why we stay until we have discovered the reasons we could leave.
And perhaps that is when love becomes real.
Not when we are blinded by what is beautiful.
But when our eyes are open to everything—and we must decide what we will do with what we see.
I have made my decision.
I will continue to love you in the way that I am able to love you.
But I will not continue the relationship.
And I can say both things without contradiction.
Because sometimes the final act of love is not holding on.
Sometimes it is accepting the truth.
Sometimes it is releasing someone without wishing them harm.
Sometimes it is walking away while still being grateful that you once walked together.
So, Louise, these pages are not written against you.
They are, in many ways, written because of you.
You were part of the journey that taught me that love is not simply about finding reasons to stay.
It is about discovering who someone really is—and then having the courage to make an honest choice.
I choose love.
I choose gratitude.
I choose forgiveness.
And I choose to let go.
Thank you for the lessons.
Gerald
See The Download Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1j7EXs_D9N_mVxA8IXLHzPqfhND-7edZQ/view?usp=sharing
