10 Questions & Answers
1. What inspired you to write this book?
I think most of us spend our lives asking, “Do I love this person?” But I believe there is a more important question: “Is this what love is supposed to feel like?”
We are often taught what love should look like, but we aren’t necessarily taught how healthy love should feel.
I wanted to explore love beyond romance—to look at why we choose people, why we stay, what keeps us connected, and how we can distinguish genuine love from fear, dependency, loneliness or simply being afraid to let go.
2. Why do you believe this is such an important question—“Is that what love is supposed to feel like?”
Because sometimes we become so accustomed to something that we stop questioning it.
We can become accustomed to conflict, emotional distance, jealousy, control, disappointment or constantly having to prove our worth—and we can start calling that love.
The question gives us permission to pause and honestly examine our experience.
Love should not require us to lose ourselves in order to keep someone else.
3. Why do people stay in relationships that are hurting them?
There isn’t one answer.
People stay because of love, but they can also stay because of fear, history, children, financial dependence, loneliness, hope, guilt, habit or the belief that things will eventually change.
And sometimes we stay because we remember who the person was rather than seeing who they are today.
One of the things I explore in the book is that staying is not automatically proof of love—and leaving is not automatically proof that love was absent.
4. So is your book telling people to leave relationships that aren’t working?
No. Absolutely not.
I’m not writing a book that tells people, “Stay,” or “Leave.”
I’m asking people to understand.
Sometimes love requires us to work through difficulties. Sometimes it requires boundaries. Sometimes it requires forgiveness. And sometimes the most loving decision is to walk away.
The important thing is to make that decision from awareness rather than fear.
5. You talk about “the reasons we stay.” What does that mean?
I believe the deepest form of love isn’t simply about finding someone perfect.
It’s about seeing the whole person—their strengths, weaknesses, imperfections, beauty and brokenness—and still finding meaningful reasons to choose them.
We all have flaws.
The question isn’t, “Can I find someone without flaws?”
The question is, “When I see the whole person, are there still reasons here to choose this relationship?”
6. Does loving someone mean accepting everything they do?
No.
Love and acceptance are not the same as tolerating everything.
You can love someone deeply and still say, “This behaviour is not acceptable to me.”
Healthy love needs boundaries.
In fact, sometimes a boundary is an expression of love—not only for yourself, but for the relationship and even for the other person.
Love doesn’t ask us to abandon ourselves.
7. What about people who have been hurt in previous relationships? Can they learn to love again?
Yes.
But I think healing requires us to understand what happened rather than simply carrying the pain into the next relationship.
If we don’t examine our wounds, we can sometimes make another person pay for something they didn’t do.
We need to learn the difference between protecting ourselves and closing ourselves.
A broken heart doesn’t mean you have to build a wall around your heart forever.
8. Who is this book really written for?
It’s written for anyone who has ever loved someone.
It’s for the person who is falling in love, the person questioning their relationship, the married couple who wants to understand each other better, the person trying to understand why they keep choosing the same kind of relationship, and the person recovering from heartbreak.
Ultimately, it’s for anyone who has ever looked at their relationship and quietly asked:
“Is this really what love is supposed to feel like?”
9. What do you hope readers will discover when they finish the book?
I hope they discover that love is more complex—and more beautiful—than we sometimes make it.
I hope they understand themselves better.
I hope they become more conscious of why they choose the people they choose.
And most importantly, I hope they learn that love isn’t simply about finding someone who makes you feel good.
It’s about finding a relationship in which two people can choose each other consciously, grow together, respect each other, and continue finding reasons to stay.
10. If you could leave our listeners with one message from the book, what would it be?
Don’t simply ask yourself, “Do I love them?”
Ask yourself:
“How does this love make me feel?”
“Who am I becoming in this relationship?”
“Can I be myself here?”
And perhaps most importantly:
“Knowing this person as they really are—not as I wish they were—do I still have meaningful reasons to choose them?”
Because love isn’t only about the reasons we fall.
The deepest form of love is the reasons we find to stay.
